ONE STEP FORWARD, FEW STEPS BACKWARD!
It seems the big C doesn’t seem to go away from me. As I took one step forward in life after the second surgery, the recent visit to the hospital has brought me few steps backward. Even after my second surgery, to our dismay the margins were still not clear and the big C is still present. Needless to say, I will be going for yet
another one or more surgeries in coming weeks. However, the big C will affect me for few months but it will certainly be short term. I am confident to be up and about by August/September this year.
My fighter spirit would not succumb me to any such calamities of life. But, I must admit I was taken back when the surgeon gave me the news of my third histology report on Friday. I was broken down for some time but did not cry or questioned why. Instead I told my family, let’s go to our favourite pizza express restaurant in Harpenden (my favourite village to go out and dine out), and celebrate our family and life together. I drove my family to Harpenden followed by trip to London.
We have broken the bad news to our boys after the second surgery, and they have taken the entire issue very nicely and in very supportive manner. The boys wanted to be the part of my journey, so they insisted to accompany me to the hospital with their dad to provide me their emotional support. They waited patiently until I was dealt with at the Hospital. We did not immediately tell them the results, but slowly they asked me at the Pizza express and I gave them the news with all honesty and with assurance of the long-term prognosis. They were sad for the result but stated, they will be strong like mummy and will support mummy in this difficult but not impossible journey to success of coming free from the big C.
I was off driving for two weeks since my second surgery and had commenced driving on Thursday only, so my husband was a bit concerned but was happy that I was able to cope with driving, that I enjoy the most. My sons were happy being driven by me. We all had a lovely family time at our favourite Pizza express restaurant, Harpenden. My dear friend Poonam Joshi being anxious for the news called me. I told her the news. She was keen to come over to see me but I offered that I will go over to her. We drove to her house in the evening and enjoyed lovely hospitality and delicious food cooked by Poonam. My boys enjoyed playing with Poonam’s boys and the time just flew by. We left Poonam’s house at 3am, with happy faces We all four of us are grateful to Poonam Joshi and family for their support and efforts to take our mind off the news we had faced.
My boys were severely dog phobic but managed to conquer their fear and ended up playing with Poonam’s little doggy maxi. Now they are missing maxi and their friends (Poonam’s sons) desperately.
As stated previously, I am taking the entire process through the eyes of acceptance. Cancer throws you into a new world, one that can be consumed by your own existence, pain, and treatment. Finding a way to step outside of yourself and look beyond your own cancer is beneficial. There is good in making time and focusing on others, because someone else always has it worse. I think about what I'm gaining. I accept that I have cancer and the possible outcomes. I accept that it does not define me. I will gain knowledge and experience from having cancer, as well as gain the ability to display my beliefs and principles, and set a good example for my children and family. I believe the most important life lessons don't come from easy paths; it's the struggles that show us what we're made of.
Cancer is the worst thing to happen to anyone. It is a monster. It is terrifying but one's positive outlook is the best medicine, along with required medical attention. Cancer can change people's lives and it tests one’s faith and belief. It can bring people into your life that otherwise you would never have met or known.
“I am not defeated by my cancer, I am just going through short term tribulation, yet to come out stronger, wiser and positive at the other side”.I am going to keep my crazy positive outlook and feel fortunate that I have the ability to fight cancer.
Sadly, I am still a bit far from the finish line with my cancer, but focusing on maintaining a sense of normalcy in my life is helping me to get through this. But at the core of everything is the silver linings. It will continue to carry me to the last page of this chapter of my life.